I feel like everyday I can do much better. I can be a little happier, or i can try a little harder. But, I'm always afraid I'll not succeed. Failure is the only fear i have. Anything else i will face head on.
Sadly,
Failure seems to be my life's story. It follows me. And some how I have found comfort in not trying at all.
This post is 1. A Confession and 2. A venting session.
I've never wanted to be the worst at something... But never tried hard enough to be the best. I just want to be mediocre. I think this is because, well I've never won a single thing in my life... I work hard but that never doesn't mean anything anymore. Mediocrity is now a mainstaple of my life.
This morning I had read the one email that took every dream I have ever had and shattered it... I did not make the BGSU Jazz Studies Program. I have spent the entire day pissed and about to cry my eyes out, but I have no one to blame but my self... I worked hard... But not as hard as the others.
I'm so tired of not succeeding but I'm too afraid not to...
I hate this.
I hate who I am at times.
I wish I could be a harder worker..
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